« some days you just need a good laugh | Main | you know you're working too hard when »
August 25, 2005
all grown up
So my little sister Peggy dropped by yesterday. She's on vacation from being a resident out in Virginia. She called several times and wanted to pick something up. While I was agreeable to her stopping by, I was really tired from yet another ridiculous work day and somehow missed the note of extra happiness in her voice. Jenn let her in and she walked over to the office (where I was printing out what she needed) when I heard her say:
"I'm engaged!"
I looked up to see my sister beaming, and Jenn rushing over to hug her.
My reaction was a bit more reserved and I'm not completely sure why. I can hide behind the excuse that I'm generally reserved about these things, but its my sister after all, and while I don't think we're *super* close, we have become more tight in the years post college where we were able to establish a rapport that wasn't there before. That was partially because I wasn't really a big brother growing up. Our 4 year age gap wasn't enough for me to be a "big" brother and as much as my parents admonished me to lead by example and as much as I remember her wanting to pattern herself after me when we were younger, I don't think I was really up to the task. We alternately argued and ignored each other for a lot of the time we lived at home growing up.
I could say its because I'm over-protective of her, which is what most of my friends think, generally because if anyone ever makes a comment on the lines of, "Your sister is cute/Is she single?/She's nice", I always give a sarcastic remark in return. But as my sister once pointed out quite bluntly, "You've never been this way about me before, why are you doing it now?" during an ex-boyfriend incident long in the past. I don't interfere, I let her live her life. We're both actually very independent people, it runs in our family. Self-reliance seems to be a family trait. If anything I try to be protective of her in a behind-the-scenes way. If I was overt about it, then she wouldn't be too happy about it.
Maybe its has to do a little with the situations that she expressed to me when this relationship started. As they actually live on the East Coast now, I have not been able to see them grow closer together, and as such, I am left with the initial impressions of that awkward first phase when sometimes doubts and misgivings abound. Jenn said that she noticed a more developed intimacy between them, the kind that comes with being secure in a relationship, but I guess I was too preoccupied with taking care of Naomi when we recently went out to dinner as a family. I probably also haven't given him that opportunity to change those impressions I've made. Apparently he told Peggy that he would have liked to talk to me beforehand, but that he hasn't been able to pick up a vibe from me. That's because I haven't given him one, I have been very neutral.
Ultimately, my emotions will catch up with my mind. Right now, the sentiment is, "If she's happy, then I'm happy." When I told her this, she didn't seem completely pleased with that, understandably. That sounds like something that is said through gritted teeth (which mine are not, I swear). Her fiancee is a nice guy actually. He is a devout Christian, which I am happy for her about, as she will hopefully avoid some of the pitfalls that I have experienced. And he also cares for her very much, that much is very clear.
Peggy, seriously, congratulations. I'm sorry if it didn't seem like I was happy for you, I really am. Even though we've largely lost the distinction between "big" and "little" (and sometimes even reversed it) and we are now just brother and sister, I sometimes still see you as the cheerful kid who had the room next to mine and was always happy to hang out with her big brother and trade toys or just read books. I'm glad to see how much you've grown up, and how you've matured into someone that people tell me is a great friend, who has a huge heart, and someone you always want in your corner. It also pleases me that you have found someone that you want to share your life with. I hope that your engagement and marriage will provide you with the support and the foundation on which to build a wonderful life and family.
Posted by spoof747 at August 25, 2005 11:59 PM