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August 31, 2005
people watching
I am sitting across near these three people who are sitting on BART. It appears to be a young mother, her kid who looks like she's about 2 or 3 years old, and the mom's boyfriend. Its very interesting to observe the interactions here. The little girl is in the talkative/all questions all the time phase, and the mother is actually being very patient with her and doing all the little motherly things, telling her to sit down gently, things like that. The boyfriend on the other hand, is clearly more interested in his woman than her kid. Even his tone of voice when he's having conversations with her seem to be stilted and perfunctory. When he's talking to the mother, he is very gentle and affectionate, but his tone of voice with the girl is completely different. It makes me wonder how noticeable this is, if I can pick up on it right away.
This isn't meant to be a diatribe or anything, nor is it a judgement of this guy, as I am only observing these people within the confines of a 30 minute BART train ride. But as my father always told me, its the small things that count.
I guess I can't understand how people can be cold/neutral towards children. I have always loved kids and just being around them. They have this innocence and cuteness that people lose as real life starts to kick the crap out of you. Kids get to play and to truly enjoy life without encumberances. And when you see a kid smile or hear laughter, it sounds so unfettered and so real. Adults have to be polite and do things because society demands it of them. Children play at doing the same things, but they are genuine.
Going back to my original train of thought, its amazing to me when people just don't have that willingness to interact with kids. and I guess it also saddens me, because there are friends of mine who I know would love nothing more than to have a child of their own to raise and to spoil. Jenn mentioned the other day how sometimes she looks at Naomi and just feels like crying tears of happiness because she is such a beautiful little baby and everything seems ok with her. While I am *ahem* too manly to do that, I completely understand where she is coming from. If I could win the lottery or find a job which allows me to stay at home with my child, I would in a heartbeat. In the meantime I content myself at work with being a proud papa and looking through her pictures on Flickr and showing them to anyone who is in the general vicinity of my desk.
Posted by spoof747 at 06:26 PM | Comments (0)
August 26, 2005
you know you're working too hard when
you are leaving at 7:00 on a Friday evening, and the janitor recognizes you and says in broken English, "Oh! You leave early today?" and she is genuinely happy for you.
Posted by spoof747 at 08:49 PM | Comments (0)
August 25, 2005
all grown up
So my little sister Peggy dropped by yesterday. She's on vacation from being a resident out in Virginia. She called several times and wanted to pick something up. While I was agreeable to her stopping by, I was really tired from yet another ridiculous work day and somehow missed the note of extra happiness in her voice. Jenn let her in and she walked over to the office (where I was printing out what she needed) when I heard her say:
"I'm engaged!"
I looked up to see my sister beaming, and Jenn rushing over to hug her.
My reaction was a bit more reserved and I'm not completely sure why. I can hide behind the excuse that I'm generally reserved about these things, but its my sister after all, and while I don't think we're *super* close, we have become more tight in the years post college where we were able to establish a rapport that wasn't there before. That was partially because I wasn't really a big brother growing up. Our 4 year age gap wasn't enough for me to be a "big" brother and as much as my parents admonished me to lead by example and as much as I remember her wanting to pattern herself after me when we were younger, I don't think I was really up to the task. We alternately argued and ignored each other for a lot of the time we lived at home growing up.
I could say its because I'm over-protective of her, which is what most of my friends think, generally because if anyone ever makes a comment on the lines of, "Your sister is cute/Is she single?/She's nice", I always give a sarcastic remark in return. But as my sister once pointed out quite bluntly, "You've never been this way about me before, why are you doing it now?" during an ex-boyfriend incident long in the past. I don't interfere, I let her live her life. We're both actually very independent people, it runs in our family. Self-reliance seems to be a family trait. If anything I try to be protective of her in a behind-the-scenes way. If I was overt about it, then she wouldn't be too happy about it.
Maybe its has to do a little with the situations that she expressed to me when this relationship started. As they actually live on the East Coast now, I have not been able to see them grow closer together, and as such, I am left with the initial impressions of that awkward first phase when sometimes doubts and misgivings abound. Jenn said that she noticed a more developed intimacy between them, the kind that comes with being secure in a relationship, but I guess I was too preoccupied with taking care of Naomi when we recently went out to dinner as a family. I probably also haven't given him that opportunity to change those impressions I've made. Apparently he told Peggy that he would have liked to talk to me beforehand, but that he hasn't been able to pick up a vibe from me. That's because I haven't given him one, I have been very neutral.
Ultimately, my emotions will catch up with my mind. Right now, the sentiment is, "If she's happy, then I'm happy." When I told her this, she didn't seem completely pleased with that, understandably. That sounds like something that is said through gritted teeth (which mine are not, I swear). Her fiancee is a nice guy actually. He is a devout Christian, which I am happy for her about, as she will hopefully avoid some of the pitfalls that I have experienced. And he also cares for her very much, that much is very clear.
Peggy, seriously, congratulations. I'm sorry if it didn't seem like I was happy for you, I really am. Even though we've largely lost the distinction between "big" and "little" (and sometimes even reversed it) and we are now just brother and sister, I sometimes still see you as the cheerful kid who had the room next to mine and was always happy to hang out with her big brother and trade toys or just read books. I'm glad to see how much you've grown up, and how you've matured into someone that people tell me is a great friend, who has a huge heart, and someone you always want in your corner. It also pleases me that you have found someone that you want to share your life with. I hope that your engagement and marriage will provide you with the support and the foundation on which to build a wonderful life and family.
Posted by spoof747 at 11:59 PM | Comments (0)
August 24, 2005
some days you just need a good laugh
Posted by spoof747 at 11:14 PM | Comments (0)
August 23, 2005
First comes love
Just finished digging through a bunch of photos last year and posting them to Flickr. It was interesting to note that the majority of these photos were of wedding we attended. I think we went to roughly 10 weddings last year, and almost as many the year before. We would have gone to more in 2003, but we had to decline to attend a few because we were so busy with ours.
And now, unsurprisingly, Naomi is expecting 10 friends to share this birth year with her. Obviously these aren't directly from the 10 weddings last year (unless they all had wonderful honeymoons) but its interesting to watch all of our lives enter a new phase but at the same time, it can suck when trying to relate to people who aren't at the same stage in their lives. There are quite a few friends of ours who either aren't married yet or do not have kids, and it seems that the well-worn saying that married people hang with married people, and parents hang with parents tends to take hold, unless you really work at maintaining that friendship. Its very easy in a group of friends where some are parents to start all sorts of baby comparison talk, what are you doing, how are you dealing with issue X, etc.
Sometimes I get tired of all of that chatter and I want to have a decent meaningful conversation, instead of a lazy one. By lazy I mean, the standard questions that you get as a new parent and you pretty much respond just to those questions. Sadly though, if you ask me what else is going on with me, I'd have to admit not that much. Right now, my life is work and Naomi, and its unfortunate that its in that order.
Still, its important to me to maintain ties with all of my friends and not fall into a "Oooh, let me tell you all about my child" rut. Yes, I think my daughter is adorable, but every parent does. It actually gives me perspective in talking to people who aren't at this state in life, reminding me of life outside of this.
It was funny when we headed to SF this past weekend to surprise one of Jenn's friends for her birthday. It was being held at Il Fornaio, and we figured that it might not be the best idea to bring Naomi. So for the first time, ever, we dropped her off (gasp!) with Jenn's parents in Oakland, and headed out there. Getting there, it was apparent that we made a good choice. Il Fornaio, while a chain, still attempts to have that haute cuisine atmosphere, and of course it was Saturday night in SF, which brings out the standard all in black dressy outfits. Furthermore, while we were probably the same age as everyone present, Jenn and I were the only people there who have a child. Without her there though, it was strange to take a step back and remember that this was what life was like for us before Naomi, dressing up to go out to dinner in SF, probably doing something like karaoke or dessert afterwards, then getting home sometime in the early morning. Not that we did that very often. We took our leave from dinner at 11:30, which for us was way too long away from our daughter, and rushed back to pick her up and take her home. Nearly 5 hours away from her. Is this what life will be like?
Posted by spoof747 at 10:36 PM | Comments (0)
August 15, 2005
i knew it
i am not the only parent who wants to get this shot. there is a group on Flickr for photos of this.
Posted by spoof747 at 02:15 PM | Comments (0)
August 14, 2005
wedding minutiae
i've only put up one picture from jake and amanda's wedding because jenn and I were not able to actually take any shots at the wedding. jenn was busy with naomi, and i, well, if i wasn't doing my prescribed duties, i was running around. however, i was forwarded a set of pictures from Jake's grad school classmate Joyce. i'm not sure of the appropriateness of posting her pictures on my blog and my flickr, so i am only grabbing this one (and attributing it appropriately), only because it jumped out at me when i looked at her shots:
i love how this is an action shot that still captures the emotions on everyone's face in the picture. That the groom is only half in the picture only serves to accentuate the action nature of the shot and bring the bride into being the focal point.
so, in no particular order, here are little factoids and stories from the wedding day.
The wedding took place at Garre Winery in Livermore.
it was really hot and i was wearing a tuxedo.
my list of offical duties at the start of the day:
- walk amanda's mother down the aisle
- give the rings to jess the officiant
- walk out with leanne, amanda's sister
- give a toast
- join in at the end of the mother-son dance in a wedding party group dance
Right before the ceremony, Jess asked me to help him demonstrate an illustration with three small pieces of rope. Basically, it was intended to show that 1 cord by itself is of a certain strength, 2 is stronger, and 3 is by far the strongest (the 3 being Jake, Amanda, and God). For that 3rd example, I had to braid a length quickly enough to show everyone in the audience. With my skills, no problem :/. I was lucky my hands weren't shaking too much.
I really hope that my eyes were open enough for Jake's formal shots. :) I always end up squinting a lot, and the sun really didn't help that day.
The groomsmen had a nice time relaxing before everything started because we took refuge in the air-conditioned restaurant at the winery and just chilled. Literally.
The photographer was of the "pose" school -- he was getting us to contort with very exact instructions. I will be amazed to see when the prints come out, and none of the strain from the posing is showing on anyone's face.
He had some idea for Amanda and the groomsmen without Jake that involved her sitting on my lap. You'd think that would be Jake's job. Luckily, we shot it down and did it the way we wanted it.
He kept saying left knee down to me for one particular shot, and for some reason that never translated correctly into my head. I kept putting my right knee down even though I heard him correctly. Must be crossed wires somewhere.
Jenn was very sad she didn't take any pictures of me carring Naomi, as her dress (intentionally) matched the purple color of the vest that was part of my ensemble. The photographer did snap a few of us, so hopefully they came out ok.
Jake and Amanda included a Lei Ceremony within their overall ceremony. Very nice reference to them meeting in Hawaii, as well as his familial roots.
I didn't get to see the program until after everything was over, so I was operating off of memory from our rehearsal the previous day. When the ceremony started, we actually couldn't remember if I was supposed to walk Amanda's mom out first, or if Jake was supposed to walk his mom first. Luckily we guessed and got it right (me first).
Jake and Amanda wrote their own vows. Jake even memorized his entirely. Wow.
He first started to put the ring on her right hand before she gently offered her left one.
The toast was nerve-wracking. Jun tried to give me the "once you start, you won't be nervous" saying, but I know myself better. The adrenaline rush makes me a little jittery, and I don't really calm down until I'm done. He did help by laying out my speech on the table in front of me. I did have the general gist so I didn't need the paper until the end.
After I had written it over the previous week, I kept thinking I should use a quote as a part of it, but I didn't know what. The night before the wedding, I'm watching TV, and what comes on but a rerun of "Everybody Loves Raymond". Even better, Ray utters one of his classic marriage homilies:
Look, you want to know what marriage is like? Fine.
You wake up in the morning and she's there
You come back from work and she's there
You fall asleep, she's there
You eat dinner -- there
You know?
I mean, I know that sounds like its a bad thing
But its not
Not if its the right person
Then its good
Its very good
Got a decent laugh out of that quote.
Went more for the chuckle with my speech, which apparently Jake and Amanda had counted on, even though I never reviewed the speech with them. They thought it would be a nice balance against Leanne's toast and her parents. All of them cried while speaking and were very poignant. I'm glad I could help with the more shallow humor. :)
After that the majority of my duties were done, so I went to see if I could help Jenn out with Naomi. I ended up walking around the gravelly parking lot with Naomi in the stroller, and Andrew and Annie's kids Zach and Hannah in tow. Zach because, well he loves babies and wants to help (btw, he's 5), and Hannah because Andrew was busy filming and Annie was busy with helping, so she came along. At one point, Zach and Hannah were pushing the stroller by themselves -- because I had to stop and chat, and they wanted to keep going. Luckily, they didn't forget that there was a baby inside the stroller. It was amusing when I saw them stop to show some other kids what was inside the stroller. It was as if they were playing "family" -- with some real props.
Then again, Zach did ask me if he could give Naomi a rock.
But later, he ended up giving her his little Mexican wrestler toy. Very cute of him, actually.
My mom got bored and started to ask Jenn if she could help carry Naomi.
A lot.
Amanda surprised everyone by taking the microphone and singing a Marc Anthony song (the title escapes me at the moment) to Jake at the banquet.
I almost spoiled the surprise by earlier asking Justin why he was hauling a keyboard around (he brought it to accompany Amanda).
This is on the heels of me spoiling Jake and Amanda's best man gift to me. Jun and I were helping Jake to take a desk that I didn't want anymore and we helped move it into his house. I notice a cool Kelty kid carrier pack and ask Amanda who is that for? (Whoops!) Her response was, "Jake, he asked you a question." At the time, I thought I offended her or something.
The DJ played a lot of rock and ballads, and only maybe 4 hip-hop/R&B songs at the end. Either way, Naomi had just fallen asleep at the beginning of the dancing, so we didn't get out there until later.
thoroughly exhausting but fun.
Posted by spoof747 at 10:20 PM | Comments (0)
August 10, 2005
pithy but true
Integrity is what you do when you think no one is watching.
Posted by spoof747 at 07:46 PM | Comments (0)
August 08, 2005
to the newlyweds
Walking through today in a daze. . .
just very tired because yesterday we helped to get Jake and Amanda married off and I was Jake's best man.
I was actually very surprised to be asked to be his best man. Not because we haven't been friends a long time (we have, longer than any other friend of mine, personally) but to some extent since we got into college, Jake's path and my path has diverged somewhat.
Up until that point, we were pretty tight. With church and school, we hung out together 6 days a week. We were doubles partners on the high school tennis team, we were in all the same classes, we even took the Berkeley summer program together. Our families took 2 vacations together while we were in high school, which was so fun because at that time in your life, "Family vacations" is a dirty word, but if you are told that your best friend's family is coming along, that's pretty cool. Plus Yvette (his sister) and Peggy (my sister) got along famously too.
Once we got to college, I started on a different path, I guess. Part of it was because of all the freedom I hadn't had before and I didn't know how to handle it.
"You mean, I *don't* have to go to class, at all?"
"I can stay up as late as I want, and no one is going to say anything?"
It was mind-blowing, especially to a kid whose limits were very parent-driven. And probably not the best thing, but you have to grow up sometime.
Jake, in the meantime, stayed the course and in his way, tried his best to check up on me. We'd meet up every so often and he'd gently ask how I was doing and remind me that once upon a time, I wanted to be a doctor (Ah so long ago). He became active in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and matured into a godly man. He worked his butt off to become a physical therapist and now, an athletic trainer. He has never been judgemental of me, or asked things in a way that made me tell him to buzz off. Which means he is pretty good, because I get pretty prickly when I feel I'm being criticized sometimes.
This guy has been a true friend to me, and I know he'll be a wonderful husband for Amanda. While I don't know her as well, I know that they share a very special connection and it was touching to see the emotion passing between the two of them last night. I almost lost it a few times, with both her parents nearly breaking down as they spoke, and with Amanda surprising Jake with a song and then crying afterwards in his arms.
Congratulations to both of you.
Posted by spoof747 at 12:58 PM | Comments (1)
August 04, 2005
cherubic
when jenn said she wants a chubby baby, i hope she doesn't have this in mind.
Posted by spoof747 at 06:35 PM | Comments (0)
August 03, 2005
if its not one its the other
if sometimes it seems like the only things I do are complain about work and take care of naomi, that's only becaues sometimes it seems that way to me.
and i have no problem with naomi at all.
as for work, I can only complain so much. partially because i've read enough about people being fired for job blogging (this article runs through some of the more famous incidents) and also because it gets tiring to do so (I can only imagine how tiring it is to read about it repeatedly).
I can actually trace all of this back to the simple fact that I don't know if I am doing what I *should* be doing with my life. Let me rewind further and explain that this whole career of mine, software quality assurance (or QA testing to those of you in the industry) was something that I more or less lucked into. I was one of many typical Asian kids waltzing into UC Berkeley with some faint notion of being pre-med (I wanted to be a pediatrician, once upon a time). While I managed to hang onto this pipe dream for over 3 years, I was finally disabused of the notion of continuing on by Chem 130, otherwise known as Inorganic Chemistry. What started out as an attempt at a double major in Mass Communications ended up becoming my sole degree from Cal (I am tempted from time to time to see how hard it would be to finish up the rest of my classes in MCB -- I think I have 4 left).
So its junior year and while my friends are all dressing up and heading off to the fairs to speak to Andersen Consulting (Accenture these days) and other firms (I *think* it was the Big Five back then), I sat around not really thinking about what I was going to do after college. Even though I finished up my Mass Comm degree, I never really seriously considered journalism as a career. I get an e-mail forward from Christine Chan mentioning this 6 week summer job at a place called The Learning Company (now Broderbund <= how old am I when every company I mention no longer exists currently!). It was something about testing this children's software game for 6 weeks, with an opportunity for overtime pay. I figure I could use the extra cash, and the company was located 15 minutes away from my parents' place, so off I went.
It was crazy, it was exhausting, but it was some of the most exciting time that I can ever remember spending. I worked 12 hour days, and even some weekends to help get this product out the door. It was the first time I had ever worked in a "real" job (prior to that, I was a TA and I worked at the computer labs on campus) and I think that was part of what made it exciting. Also, at the time, it hit me that this was something that I could be really good at. This was at a time when I felt like college (and all those pre-med) classes had seriously kicked my ass. In contrast, the people at this company were all very complimentary of my work. My self-esteem thanks them.
And I've been doing QA more or less ever since. I did take a year off or so after that first post-college job doing QA because I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing in my life, but I ended up going back to QA because doing anything else would have meant starting over and making less money. Of course, doing this right through the peak of the dot-com era made it nice as well.
But now that I look at it, QA, at its most basic level, is a pretty easy concept to grasp, at least for me. Add to that some creativity, thinking outside the box, and the ability to consider variations and permutations, and that's really all that I do. It doesn't feel like much. It seems that most companies treat QA pretty casually as well. For most software companies, it is an afterthought. Some places expect their developers to test their own code. Other places figure QA to be the province of interns fresh out of college. Add to that now the industry-wide thinking that QA is something that can be outsourced away completely to people who make much less money in other countries. As a result, QA seems to be the place where good people tend to get out of and become developers or project managers, or anything else except stay in QA. I am now wondering whether its time for me to do the same. I've always asked is this what I see myself doing in 20 or 30 years (wow, technically that's almost what I have left until retirement age) and the answer has always come back "*#$&*@ NO!". But I also have never had a follow-up answer to, "So what do you want to do?"
Now what makes it just a tad more complicated is that there is someone who completely depends on my ability to keep that money coming in. Not that Naomi cares right now about such things like disposable income (diapers, maybe) or our current economic level, but having a baby daughter now prevents me from even contemplating something like quitting to see what completely different career is out there. I've got mouths to feed besides my own now. (Jenn's too, since she isn't working for the moment). It feels kind of sad to think of my job as a security blanket and little else, but that's what it is becoming for me.
Is this burnout? Maybe, but I just took 6 weeks off and I haven't felt the slightest bit rejuvenated upon coming back to work. (Maybe getting in the elevator that first day back, but that's about it). I look at it this way: burnout is a relatively "new" term, historically-speaking. Did you ever hear of a farmer suffering from burnout? "Honey, I just can't milk the cow anymore" I think burnout is more of a function of whether you are doing something you enjoy. If you are, you have less of a chance of burning out. If what you do for a career isn't actually something you like, you are at higher risk.
who knows? hey, if my job is just a job, not a career, and it can provide for the time when i can get home to see my wife and my child, that's something.
Posted by spoof747 at 11:24 PM | Comments (0)
August 02, 2005
baby ways
its amazing to be able to notice day to day differences in Naomi. she is now nearly 2.5 months old now. she now smiles in response to a smile from someone and depending on the stimulation she will even let out a little giggle (my favorite trick is to grasp her hands and do a little cha-cha-cha with her, usually getting a laugh in response)
she even attempts to communicate, in the sense that she looks straight at you and mouths out sounds. she will even do that to her reflection in the mirror (sometimes is sounds like she is even sounding out a litany of complaints to her mirror-twin). i understand this is something called "cooing", although I fail to see how she sounds at all like a pigeon when she does this.
the flip side of this is that the more alert and aware she is, the less she seems to want to sleep. there are days when poor jenn sends me an IM saying that naomi wanted to be held all day and would fuss the minute she is put down. hopefully, this is not a precursor of her developing personality. although it does say jenn is the soft touch of the two of us and i have to be the bad cop. (kidding, sweetheart)
yet somehow jenn manages to continue on her quest to photograph every single expression that naomi has. she's done quite well in this actually, except for a pout that she has seen on naomi's face only once (I haven't seen it either). this is a shot that your heart just has to go out to:
can you say no to this face?
Posted by spoof747 at 09:20 PM | Comments (0)