« September 2006 | Main | November 2006 »
October 23, 2006
powerful words
first appeared on Truthdig
===========================================
After Pat’s Birthday
Posted on Oct 19, 2006
Editor’s note: Kevin Tillman joined the Army with his brother Pat in 2002, and they served together in Iraq and Afghanistan. Pat was killed in Afghanistan on April 22, 2004. Kevin, who was discharged in 2005, has written a powerful, must-read document.
courtesy of the Tillman family
It is Pat’s birthday on November 6, and elections are the day after. It gets me thinking about a conversation I had with Pat before we joined the military. He spoke about the risks with signing the papers. How once we committed, we were at the mercy of the American leadership and the American people. How we could be thrown in a direction not of our volition. How fighting as a soldier would leave us without a voice… until we got out.
Much has happened since we handed over our voice:
Somehow we were sent to invade a nation because it was a direct threat to the American people, or to the world, or harbored terrorists, or was involved in the September 11 attacks, or received weapons-grade uranium from Niger, or had mobile weapons labs, or WMD, or had a need to be liberated, or we needed to establish a democracy, or stop an insurgency, or stop a civil war we created that can’t be called a civil war even though it is. Something like that.
Somehow our elected leaders were subverting international law and humanity by setting up secret prisons around the world, secretly kidnapping people, secretly holding them indefinitely, secretly not charging them with anything, secretly torturing them. Somehow that overt policy of torture became the fault of a few “bad apples” in the military.
Somehow back at home, support for the soldiers meant having a five-year-old kindergartener scribble a picture with crayons and send it overseas, or slapping stickers on cars, or lobbying Congress for an extra pad in a helmet. It’s interesting that a soldier on his third or fourth tour should care about a drawing from a five-year-old; or a faded sticker on a car as his friends die around him; or an extra pad in a helmet, as if it will protect him when an IED throws his vehicle 50 feet into the air as his body comes apart and his skin melts to the seat.
Somehow the more soldiers that die, the more legitimate the illegal invasion becomes.
Somehow American leadership, whose only credit is lying to its people and illegally invading a nation, has been allowed to steal the courage, virtue and honor of its soldiers on the ground.
Somehow those afraid to fight an illegal invasion decades ago are allowed to send soldiers to die for an illegal invasion they started.
Somehow faking character, virtue and strength is tolerated.
Somehow profiting from tragedy and horror is tolerated.
Somehow the death of tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people is tolerated.
Somehow subversion of the Bill of Rights and The Constitution is tolerated.
Somehow suspension of Habeas Corpus is supposed to keep this country safe.
Somehow torture is tolerated.
Somehow lying is tolerated.
Somehow reason is being discarded for faith, dogma, and nonsense.
Somehow American leadership managed to create a more dangerous world.
Somehow a narrative is more important than reality.
Somehow America has become a country that projects everything that it is not and condemns everything that it is.
Somehow the most reasonable, trusted and respected country in the world has become one of the most irrational, belligerent, feared, and distrusted countries in the world.
Somehow being politically informed, diligent, and skeptical has been replaced by apathy through active ignorance.
Somehow the same incompetent, narcissistic, virtueless, vacuous, malicious criminals are still in charge of this country.
Somehow this is tolerated.
Somehow nobody is accountable for this.
In a democracy, the policy of the leaders is the policy of the people. So don’t be shocked when our grandkids bury much of this generation as traitors to the nation, to the world and to humanity. Most likely, they will come to know that “somehow” was nurtured by fear, insecurity and indifference, leaving the country vulnerable to unchecked, unchallenged parasites.
Luckily this country is still a democracy. People still have a voice. People still can take action. It can start after Pat’s birthday.
Brother and Friend of Pat Tillman,
Kevin Tillman
Posted by spoof747 at 01:18 PM | Comments (1)
October 20, 2006
and the truth shall set you free
I've complained about work way too many times in the short period that I've been blogging. Part of the reason has to do with *what* I do. I work as a consultant. Perish the thought of the suited up guy who blazes in, tells everyone, "If you do this, you will be X times more efficient or save X% of money.", closes up his briefcase, takes his check, and disappears. One, I work for an Indian consulting firm, which in a word means: offshoring. Two, my consulting work has specialized in dealing with startups. In reality, we are the hired guns who are brought in either because they are cheaper than the company having employees to the same thing in the short term, or we're brought in to provide expertise that the client firm doesn't have.
The hired gun part is the one that probably affects us the most. Mainly because client companies treat us like sh*t. Most of the time, they look at us and see the dollar signs that we cost them. On the extreme level, you get some managers who work for the client who stroll around and complain to our bosses if there is anything that doesn't look like work on our monitors. Why? Because they feel they are entitled to, since we are charged to them by our consulting firm.
Then there is the gulf between that type of treatment vs how employees are treated. However small, there is always a difference. In some well-run companies, the difference is negligible and people work tirelessly to overcome it. At the extreme level, you get virtual "class" divisions.
Recently, our client has undergone a bit of a panic attack in regards to their future prospects due to one of their major clients throwing in the towel. They made some cuts, and now the onus is on our firm to do the same for our group here at the company. Everyone, employee or consultant, is wary and looking around for that ax.
Its funny, once the ax has fallen in any layoff, you have two types of people. One type of person believes the company spin that it was a temporary setback/necessary measure, and soldiers on. The second type of person immediately ascribes the layoff to the fact that the ship is sinking and looks to jump immediately. Sadly, I was once naive enough to be the first person, but I've been through enough layoffs to become the second type. Companies will *always* tell you that its temporary and that the sky is blue right around the corner.
You'd think that at this point politics aren't in play anymore, with people too worried about what their future holds, but its still around. We've got people still angling for positions of responsibility at this point. I suppose when there's a vacuum, people step in to fill. And even when there isn't, ambition still drives some people. And the game is still going on, in between and during meetings on the forward direction of the company.
I don't care anymore. And I no longer feel constrained by what I'm supposed to say and what I'm not supposed to say. I've never liked that mentality of management, where its bad to know too much. If you trust peope with putting out your product, you should trust them with other knowledge as well. I admit that giving someone too much advance notice of their job's demise is bad (a la corporate sabotage and all that), but it also puts a bad taste in my mouth to deceive someone about the ultimate health and future of a company in the name of morale and productivity.
Posted by spoof747 at 11:45 AM | Comments (0)
October 16, 2006
test taking
I took what was probably my first test since college the other day. (I'm taking this Project Management class). What's more, I used a mechanical *pencil*. Shades of the SAT, anyone? I can't remember the last time I used a pencil for anything. Odder still, I can't remember when I switched over to using pens exclusively. I'm assuming that it happened when I started working, but I can't remember. I mean, elementary school, high school, it was all about the pencil. Being able to erase something you wrote was a very useful skill, which pens just didn't have (and don't get me started on the brief life of erasable pens, because those *sucked*). I even remember taking someone's advice and purchasing drafting erasers, because those were *awesome*. You didn't smudge and you didn't rip the paper.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. . .the test. Aside from using a pencil, it was strange to even be taking a test. Not to mention studying for one. I made flash cards. . .flash cards!. My current lifestyle is so *not* conducive to studying. Cramming, sure, but regular study is hard. So here I am, cramming aboard BART, during work, flipping through flash cards in an effort to memorize the rote knowledge that I need to pass this test. The irony is that I've been doing project management as a job thing for a few years now, but I never learned it formally. So now I'm finding out what the official definitions are for things that I explain and diagram out on a regular basis. Its almost harder than learning it for the first time, because I have to force myself to forget what I currently know and relearn it the instructor's way. Its such a pain in the ass (hereafter to be shortened to my phrase of the moment: PITA)
So come class time, stroll into class to be greeted by eerie silence. I had forgotten what that's like. Pick up the test from the front. Walk to the available seats in the back of the room. 3 hours to complete the test. Shouldn't be a problem. About 15 short answer type questions and the doozy, a Work Breakdown Structure. Basically, what a WBS is (the non-instructor approved answer) is the task list which is the underlying structure of a project plan, only without dates. This one was worth approximately 40% of the midterm. Teacher recommends doing that first so you don't run out of time. Screw that, I've doing the short answer questions first so I regurgitate what I memorized short-term and clear my head to work on the WBS afterwards. Is it wrong to contemplate how easy it is to cheat? I'm sitting in the back row. Teacher only lifts up his head occasionally. I could break out the flash cards. Or I could take advantage of modern technology and turn on my Treo. What if I had the flash cards typed into the Notes section of the phone? Is this what high school kids are doing these days? (At least, that's what I read). Now I'm wondering how kids will try and cheat once Naomi gets to that age.
Talk about being distracted, I guess I'm not used to taking 3 hours for a test. Last time I did that was the SATs. Although this time I put in my personal twist, only because I think I've gotten even more anal-retentive in my old age. Because the Work Breakdown Structure is worth so much of the grade, I actually write up a *draft* version of it to make sure I have all my ducks lined up in a row. Then I rewrite it for teacher consumption. By the time I'm done, my hand is completely cramped, there is no time left (I took nearly all 3 hours) and there is a huge dent in my finger from where the pencil was. I haven't written this much since writing letters to girls in high school. Ouch.
update: got the test back. didn't do too badly. i guess i still have some of the old mojo.
Posted by spoof747 at 08:42 PM | Comments (0)
October 15, 2006
Mama Dada
One of the major things that has been taking up my time in the past few months has been trying to teach Naomi. That in itself is not new, I've been trying to in one form or another since she was born, but it has taken on some added urgency.
At our 15 month appointment, our pediatrician asked if Naomi was talking yet. At that time, she really wasn't. She said "Mama" and "Dada" but it didn't necessarily mean us. She would say those sounds when she was sad or distressed or for any variety of actions. She knows a few signs ("Please", "Open") but wasn't completely consistent in using them. Based on that, our doctor felt that this merited some testing to be done. She felt that by 15 months, babies should be saying at least 3 words consistently. Its a fairly low benchmark and not set in stone, but its probably a good idea to track at that level, in case there is any sort of issue.
So now we've got the appointments, but they're not for a couple of months. But its definitely served as a wake-up call for us to try and teach Naomi how to communicate, and eventually, how to speak. We've gotten a lot of support from people we've talked to and from what we've researched. Many people have told us that their kids didn't really start talking until age 2, and others have pointed out that teaching a child multiple languages (in our case, English, Cantonese, and Mandarin) may take longer to absorb. Another point that has been raised which is comforting is that the firstborn child may take longer to talk because everyone in the family is so geared to responding to that child's needs, that they may not feel a need to talk. I guess there are a lot of theories and thought out there.
I can't help but feel guilty about it though. Are we not spending enough time trying to reinforce talking with her? Is the time I spend at home not being used wisely? In the few months after her 1st year, we fell into a bit of a cycle at home. We'd come home from work, tired, and vege out by flipping on the tv and/or surfing from our laptops. Naomi would play around us, but we let her do her own thing largely. We didn't have a structured reading time or even really a structured schedule for her. Sometimes what we were doing was, "Let's keep her distracted and entertained with whatever is at hand until she goes to sleep." That all changed when we went to the doctor and got back this news. So now, we keep trying to reinforce what everything's name is, what this is called, what that is, etc. It will still worry me until the day she says her first word consistently, and its clear to us that she knows what it means too.
Posted by spoof747 at 11:31 AM | Comments (0)
October 06, 2006
best. dialogue. ever.
from Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County:
Cameron: You suck at basketball.
Nick W: You suck at life.
Wow. Not genuine enough to be real life, and so bad it can't be acting.
Posted by spoof747 at 10:32 PM | Comments (0)
Off the Shelf: She's the Man
Couldn't sleep again, and flipped on the DVD player to see what was hanging around in it. Turns out it was already loaded with She's the Man, starring Amanda Bynes (Thanks Jenn).
We first saw this movie in the movie theaters in San Francisco. As a matter of fact, it might be the last movie we've been able to watch in theaters. Originally, we were supposed to go catch a film that was a part of the Asian American Film Festival (we usually try to catch a few every year), but, this being the first year with Naomi, we weren't quite used to how long it takes to prepare her and leave her with Jenn's parents. By the time we got the city (after the usual weekend traffic on the bridge), there was no way we were making it to the other movie, so this was the alternative.
Even though I personally didn't have much expectations about this movie, I've always thought that Amanda Bynes is a pretty good actress for her age and has some very good comic timing as well. I'd only seen her on TV in What I like about You, with Jennie Garth.
What I didn't know about this movie was that it came from the writers of 10 things I hate about you, one of my favorite teen movies, and they used a similar approach: Take a Shakespeare play (in this case, Twelfth Night) and transpose it to a modern day situation. They don't do a literal translation, the way Baz Luhrmann did with Romeo + Juliet, but they try to make the situation as close as possible, keep character names (which I've always liked because you get some uniquely named characters) and throw in references here and there, which are always fun to spot.
I'm going to cheat here and use the film's tagline which sums up the plot rather well: Everybody has a secret. . .Duke wants Olivia who likes Sebastian who is really Viola whose brother is dating Monique so she hates Olivia who's with Duke to make sebastian jealous who is really Viola who's crushing on Duke who thinks she's a guy. . .
But the comedy that Bynes brings to her role, as well as many other actors in this movie, are what makes this movie a treat in my opinion. On second viewing, we realized her movie ex-boyfriend Justin (played by Robert Hoffman) is actually a regular on MTV's Wild N Out, so he obviously has some improv comedy skills. With my soft spot for romantic comedies, this was one movie I was happy to rewatch.
Posted by spoof747 at 01:51 PM | Comments (1)
October 05, 2006
commuting vignette #5 - family portrait
The other day on the way home from work, I saw a mother, father, and their two sons. The father was in standard work wear, shirt, slacks, and a tie, so it looked like the mother took their kids up to see him that particular day. One son was barely old enough to say "Baba! Baba!" but that's what he did, and he was so excited about it. Trying to get his father's attention, trying to talk to him. And the dad was so affectionate with his boys, enveloping them in hugs, teasing them.
It was a nice scene.
Posted by spoof747 at 01:28 PM | Comments (0)
October 02, 2006
Age
I have a habit of letting my hair grow long. It has always grown very fast, but sometimes I just lose track until I realize that, "Gee, I actually have to push the hair out of my eyes." And so it was these past few weeks. Jenn has been bugging me to go to the barbershop, but the only realistic times to do that are on weekends -- and with our usual weekend events, even that is difficult.
As I was trying to comb my hair in a way that was presentable the other day, something caught my eye. I leaned closer to the mirror to look and sure enough, it was a white hair. A really long white hair, right on the top of my head.
Now, I've never considered myself all that old. As a matter of fact, I don't usually think about age. I've always been told that I act younger than I actually am, and I took that as a good thing. Of course, its not funny to my sister whenever someone mistakes her for being the "older" sister (I have to admit, that shocks me too). But when I think about it, I generally spend my time around people who are younger than I. Jenn is 2 years younger than me. Most of our college friends, with a few exceptions, are 1-2 years younger. I could seek refuge in spending time with my high school crowd, where I am one of the youngest, but we don't usually see them all that much.
Its just funny to think about my actual age and what that means, or rather what its supposed to mean. Am I supposed to act like an adult, calmly and maturely? Society today seems to have undergone a redefinition of adulthood. For example, its more or less ok for adults to play video games now. That's partly because the video game industry needs adults to pay for the near $500 game systems that are coming out. The affluent American economy has also encouraged the adults of my generation to indulge in the purchase of "toys" -- or basically, that which is unneccessary for living, but which is purely for enjoyment.
That doesn't sound like the adults that I grew up with, the serious ones who went to work, put food on the table, read the newspaper for enjoyment/knowledge, watched the news, etc. Sometimes its hard to think that I'm one of them now, I'm an adult. I go to work every day, I wear a shirt and slacks. I've got mouths to feed and someone that I'm supposed to start teaching how to live a good life, at least as soon as she understands me (that will likely be never). When did this all happen?
All I know is that now I'm actually watching when those Just for Men hair color commercials come on the TV.
Posted by spoof747 at 09:37 AM | Comments (1)